Terrorising men for single girl gain
I'm back on the apps and testing opening lines. I've found a few worth stealing.
Hey you,
What’s your go-to pick-up line?
In the wild, I typically resort to a simple ‘Hi, can I ask you a question?’. It piques their interest enough to get a response and then I follow up with asking their age. It usually works best when I’m in cougar mode.
On dating apps, there’s been a lot more experimentation. I’ve tried to showcase my attention to detail by referencing something specific in their profile: ‘I see you visited Hong Kong. Did you try the street food waffle balls?’ It’s never worked. I’ve also tried being a bit more quirky — ‘would you like a joke or an interview question?’ — but that’s received as few replies as all my job applications. And, of course, I’ve said nothing at all in the hopes they’ll put in a smidgen of effort first. Spoiler: they don’t.
Does it get easier to date in your 50s? This expert thinks so.
Then I saw an entertaining Tik Tok post about how women should be using men for entertainment (‘mentertainment’ — the act of terrorising the male population for single girl gain). If a man has matched with you but hasn’t sent a message, drop a simple ‘Is your witty opening line in the room with us?’ And if your conversation is frustratingly surface level, hit them with a ‘this is moving kinda fast, are you ok if we take it slow?’
So, I thought I’d take a leaf out of her 20-something playbook and test the approach on three of my latest matches on Bumble. I went with ‘Free Sunday? Mum is keen to meet you’.
The typical dating app SOP is to swipe right on a profile you like, instantaneously lose interest and let the 24-hour match timer expire without exchanging a word. In my case, this opener was clearly so terrorising that every gentleman went through the three-click step of unmatching with me. I’m flattered that I’m worth the effort but my poor mother is offended.
Of course, badly received words cut both ways. This week, I returned to the blind date comedy show Too Thirsty and watched three single women answer questions from an eligible bachelor hidden behind a screen. He asked them for the pettiest reason they’ve unmatched someone on an app and one shared it was when she received a ‘your [sic] beautiful’ message. She is beautiful (a mix of Korean and Lebanese) but she has a point. If he’s going to forget an apostrophe, he’ll probably forget her birthday.
So, if men and women are equally fumbling over their words, what’s the alternative? Straightforwardness.
A kink expert I came across said her boyfriend used to use the Hinge prompt ‘more adults get spanked than kids in the US’ as a pre-filter. If someone’s willing to swipe right on that kind of comment, the conversation is likely to hit, hard. Productive and suggestive.
Whether you’re into showing your attention to detail, terrorising suitors, or being vanilla with a simple ‘hello’, it all supports the same goal — seeing who’ll put in the effort to reply. And in an age when we’ll happily disclose a kink before we’ve disclosed our surname, maybe banter isn’t a red flag. It’s a shortcut.
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
Don’t like pick-up lines? Turn to Buddhism.
In Korea, the declining birth rates have become such a problem that the government is turning monks into matchmakers.
Whittled down from 1,600 applicants, 12 chosen singles spent a weekend at a mountain temple showcasing their talents and handing out plastic roses to suitors who took their fancy. Apps never really caught on in Korea so, these singles decided to turn to spiritual powers instead. At the end of the retreat, a monk delivered a rousing speech on everyone’s duty to procreate and invited them to sing the national anthem. Nothing says “call me” like a group rendition of your civic duty.
…and other rubbish
Boyfriends are sexy until they become husbands
Insight into how a girl brain works
This’ll resonate with men of a certain age
The Dutch are dirty
Nancy totally wasted a perfect opportunity
She said, he said
“Sex is like money; only too much is enough.”
John Updike
What’s your best pick-up line? Drop it in the comments 👇