Single? I know some people
I'm not the only singleton in the family. Or the only one on social media...
Hey you,
My uncle Mark has gone viral for being 72 and single.
Turns out, talking about our romantic status on the internet is hereditary.
It’s probably no surprise that I come from a large family of outspoken characters who treat social media as a stage. My cousin Alex, who goes by the punny handle @bigdoughenergy has turned his mastery of sourdough into phallic, edible artwork (and gets endless DM slides in the process). My cousin Laura regularly showcases her fabulous NYC life, from 6am Pilates classes to weekends in the Hamptons. And now it’s uncle Mark’s turn.
Over the weekend, Laura posted a video about Mark with a plea to find him the ‘perfect woman’. Between clips of him dancing in a cowboy hat and references to his basketball heyday, the video has already reached half a million views. Mothers, grandmothers, and even some sugar babies have been offering themselves up in the comments. Now, a social media matchmaker has joined the campaign.
Like a stage? Trying standing under the spotlight in front of 200 people. Here’s that story.
On her account, Liv Schreiber spotlights the hot & single to 200k+ followers. Mark’s septuagenarian eligibility now sits proudly on her feed alongside Dale, the 37-year old entrepreneur who’s looking for a ‘gal with a big heart’ and Brian, the 30 year old who loves the piano. It all makes total sense — why should anyone be reduced to 6 photos and left to the mercy of the dating app algorithm when they can be showcased in full video glory on social media for maximum reach.
Except, in my case, it hasn’t helped.
Yesterday I shared my 1,000th Instagram post but my romantic endeavours remain stubbornly flatline. Sure, there have been a few DM sliders over the years, but none of them ever made it out of the inbox. If anything, my online profile has hindered me. Just this week, I matched with a man on a dating app on Monday, agreed to a date for Wednesday, and got the cancellation notice on Tuesday. To his credit, he was honest about his reasons — he found my Instagram account and believed we didn’t have long-term compatibility. To his discredit, he disqualified me before he engaged with me.
But I’m not concerned. I can accept that social media is a better dating playground for single men and I’m more excited about a new channel. The newsletter.
Earlier this week, The Atlantic ran a piece about Substack writers who’ve started moonlighting as matchmakers. The logic is simple: just as dating app Muddy Matches attracts farmers and Feeld attracts the kink-positive, a newsletter’s subject matter self-selects for a particular type of person. Miranda July attracts feminist creatives; Ava draws in the bookish. Both have started publishing personal ads based on the premise that their readers are already more compatible with each other than two strangers thrown together by an app.
I think it’s brilliant and an opportunity. Given I write about the highs, lows, and WTFs of modern dating, I can only assume that you too, dear reader, are in the market. So, consider this the official launch of my Cupid career. About 5,000 people read this newsletter so I’m confident that there’s at least one love story we can make happen. If you’re interested, fill in this quick form. Worst case, nothing happens. Best case, you have a great story to tell.
And if you happen to be female, 50+ and based in the tristate area, let me know. I can give you uncle Mark’s number.
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
…and other rubbish
We love a man who’s good with his hands
Stay away from the vagina
How long will it take them to notice?
God bless Henry Cavill (and the cameraman)
I don’t condone violence, but this is so New York
She said, he said
“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”
Joey Adams
If you’re a fan, hit the heart below. It helps me know you actually exist 👇
Such a great idea 💡 We have nothing to lose and all to gain.
I’ll recommend to clients x
Go Uncle Mark ❤️
Dear Ms. Gallagher,
I am that man.
I would gently reframe the situation: before we met, I engaged with your content across LinkedIn, Substack, Threads, media appearances, and YouTube quite thoroughly (I genuinely dislike IG). That breadth of material offered a genuine window into your personality and what you value and search for in dating and in life.
I did not disqualify you. I applied my STEM background, consulting experience, and critical thinking to honestly assess our compatibility, and concluded that the probability of something meaningful long-term was close to zero. I considered that a respectful use of both our time, especially on the hottest day of the year.
It seems fair to reflect that a decade-long search for the right connection, a preference for exciting and emotionally charged dating experiences, and an openness to platforms like Feeld point to a different journey from the one I am on.
You have built something genuinely impressive with your Lausanne MBA, your marketing talent, and your skillful use of modern tools. I do gently wonder, though, whether a personal brand so masterfully crafted around the single experience might, over time, become a constraint on the very partnership you are searching for.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." This quote has stayed with me.
Respectfully,
A