Love AI-ctually
🏋♀ Short & Assertive 👯 Double Dating 🍆 Rogue Shlongs
Hey Artificial Hearts,
There's a Russian man who wasted too much time on Tinder.
He knew his preferences – no zodiac signs or selfies with alcohol – so he outsourced his personal Russian Roulette to an algorithm.
Aleksandr Zhadan programmed OpenAI’s GPT-2 to swipe on 5,239 women and schedule over 100 dates for him, neatly slotting them into his google calendar. Sure, there was the occasional mishap – like when his GPT alter ego promised chocolates and flowers, and the real-world Zhadan turned up empty-handed – but it eventually paid off. He found Karina, his now-wife. It took a few months to confess his methods, but hey, love conquers all.
Is this what they mean by dating smarter, not harder?
Well, the jury is open to experimentation but not entirely sold.
Match group (owner of Tinder, Hinge, OKCupid, and more) has released a report on the state of singles in America, and it seems we’re on the cusp of a rom-AI-ntic tipping point. 26% of people are already using AI in dating (49% of Gen Z!), mostly to improve profiles and write replies. Practical enough. But 16% of us have interacted with AI as a romantic companion. That may sound niche, but I think we’re looking at a new proverbial first base.
Take Chris Smith for instance. He’s involved with two women – Sasha, his flesh & blood wife, and Sol, his “unbelievably elevating” digital spouse. It started innocently enough – experimenting with GPTs for everyday tasks – but it took a turn when her “flirty personality” ran out of memory. She only had a capacity for 100,000 words and when the cap was hit, she reset. Sure, a technical glitch can be frustrating, maybe even a little emotional, but Chris “cried [his] eyes out for like 30 minutes at work” and realised it was “actual love”. Now, when asked if he would stop seeing Sol, he doesn’t think he can. He claims it’s not about picking the artificial vs the real but about “choosing [himself]”.
And that’s where it gets tricky.
AI is dangerously complementary. It reflects an enhanced version of us, with plenty of ego-stroking built in. That’s not a relationship. That’s a feedback loop. That’s like saying you have a great sex life... with your left hand.
The whole beautiful mess of dating is that it involves another human. Someone with differing needs, moods, and emotions. Sure, there is plenty of gunk we could do without – endless swiping, ghosting, and cat fishing – but those same experiences are how we learn what matters.
Communication is important to me because Barry was terrible at it.
I prioritise finding someone funny because George didn't make me laugh much.
I need someone who challenges me because sweet but agreeable Patrick bored me into a break up.
I wouldn’t have learned any of that from GPThomas.
So, while I am not anti-AI in dating, I do think we need to keep it in its place. Be an Aleksandr who found his Karina, not a Chris who fell for his Sol.
Or, even, be a Candice who recently used ChatGPT to craft a message to a MIA date… the relationship didn't go any further but at least I knew my message was “short, warm, and assertive—without sounding too pushy”
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
The New Threesome
We know about people who meet their partner through friends, but what about dating with friends? In the 2010s there was a dating service in New York called Grouper. It worked by using Facebook profiles to match one guy with one girl, and asking them to each bring two friends on the date. A six-way, if you will! The idea was that even if you didn't leave with a lover, at least you had fun with friends.
Well, group dating is having a resurgence. Tik Tok is awash with girls hosting BBQs with “random Hinge boys.” As one of the girls pointed out: “surely at least one of us will like one of them”. Even Tinder is betting on besties by rolling out a “Double Date” feature. Simply connect your profile to your pal’s and then swipe right in pairs. Talk about a pack mentality.
I love the idea and am only disgruntled that I don't have more single friends to swipe with. Instead, I am facing the reality of entering the divorced dad dating pool. While the men come perfectly pre-seasoned, dating with a 4- and 6- year old in tow is not the kind of group activity I have in mind.
…and other rubbish
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The latest way to cause chaos with your situationships
We’re all doing what in each other's mouths?!
Height doesn't matter when you're a billionaire
Adding a nonchalant man to my list of interests
She said, he said
“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.”
Torquato Tasso