Dating has become boring
🚌 Teenage Crushes 💔 Unrequited Love 📰 Exciting news
Hey Buzz Seeker,
I’ve reached level 3 in dating.
It’s boring.
Do you remember your first teenage crush? For me, it was for Big Sawyer, the older brother of my classmate. Suave, a whole two years older, and completely unaware of my existence. That’s level 1. The first chapter in one’s love life when we feel romantic tingles but have no confidence to act on them.
Level 2 came in my 20s. Actual interaction but at the cost of emotional availability. I’d snog men for hours and then waste days wondering why they didn’t text me back. So alluring. So kissable. So unavailable.
And now, in my late thirties, I’ve graduated to level 3…
Not got any lovers, but still want to get hot and heavy? Try erotica.
I’m meeting wonderful men who tick all the boxes but I feel nothing. Even when I override past patterns (see level 2), I can’t seem to find a spark. Alas, Mr. Star from a few weeks ago has fallen to this fate. Nice guy, not my guy.
Then, earlier this week, I felt a flutter. Locking eyes with a man across a bar, my heart pounded with potential. For a moment, I regressed to level 1 (spending forty minutes debating whether I should go over, whether he’ll come to me, whether my friend should intervene) but then, suddenly, I found the courage to approach.
‘Excuse me, may I ask a bold question?’
He looked up.
‘Are you single?’
‘Who, me? Nah.’
I smiled, crumpled the piece of paper with my number on it and walked away, rejected but fully electrified. Because for the first time in a while, I felt something. A rush of nervous excitment.
For that’s the downside with levelling up. While we get better at dating - more boundaried, less likely to chase the wrong people - we also dampen the very thing that makes being single exciting in the first place. The big, irrational feelings. The discomfort that makes the eventual payoff so sweet.
The good news is that level 4 is next. The happily ever after level. It may arrive in six weeks or six years but it’s coming. Until then, I’ll be out in the wild, catching eyes across crowded bars and shooting my shot with abandon. The match might not be mutual, but at least my pulse will get a workout.
Because there’s no point in levelling up, if it doesn’t turn you on.
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
Go Figure
I have exciting news: I’m launching a dating company.
I’ve long talked about the mess that is modern dating but now I’m sending in the cleaning crew. Say hello to Fig, the dating comparison site. Think of it as your favourite single friend who knows every dating app, dating event, and matchmaker and can give you personalised recommendations.
Tired of dead-end chats? Try Breeze.
Love all things countryside? Check out Muddy Matches.
Interested in non-stuffy speed dating? You’d like City Swoon.
I’m deep in the development stage and I want to take you along with me. So, I’ve launched a new Substack called Fig: Dating Figured Out. That’s where I’ll share the highs, lows, and late nights of being a dating entrepreneur. Just last week, I posted the results of a 700-singles strong survey and the results might surprise you.
Dating should be joyful.
Fig is going to make it happen.
The waitlist is open: www.figdating.com
…and other rubbish
There’s a time and a place for a dirty joke
He loves stroking pussy
She tested if chivalry is dead
Eyes up and breathe with me babe
A guide for those craving physical touch
She said, he said
“I like to have a martini. Two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.”
Dorothy Parker
Thanks for staying until the end! Please hit the heart to help me grow 👇