Public Snogging

🫣 Embarrassing Boyfriends 🍝 Kissing at Tables 🫀 Soulmates

Hey Friend of a Friend,

The chemistry was instant.

They started making out in the middle of dinner.

They had just met.

That’s what happened to my friend Ellie last weekend. She was the friend of a friend invited to the party, he was the host. They kissed right at the dinner table, in front of all the other guests. She called me from his bathtub the next day.

I know the feeling.

That pull of romantic curiosity and chemistry. Who is that person? Are they single? Will we, won’t we? Every singleton knows that thrill and, apparently, so do some married people.

This week, Amber Rae released the memoir Loveable about finding the one… while married to someone else. Moments after locking eyes with the man she’d eventually marry, she turned to her then-husband and proclaimed that she had just met her soulmate. He agreed. He felt it too. She claims the life pivot was less about trading in and more about the “coming home to oneself” but honestly, I’m reveling in the proof point that when you know, you know.

Because that’s why I keep showing up in dating. The deep-seated belief that when I find him, that’ll be it. Except I keep getting it wrong.

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I have encountered several men who I think could be the man. I always think “oh, there he is, finally.” I’ve made videos about it, tried on surnames (bonus points for alliteration), even imagined them telling their friends, “that’s the woman I’m going to marry.” And yet, with every close encounter, I’m never close enough.

Lately, another layer has been added. I’ve been wondering what will become of me when it does happen. What it will mean for my independence, my interests, even my following.

Because apparently having a boyfriend is embarrassing.

Chante Joseph’s viral Vogue article proclaims that women are at risk of becoming “beige and watered-down” when in a relationship. Indeed, if you read my Instagram comments, you’ll find plenty of predictions that I’ll be forced to shut down my account – as if falling in love will suddenly render me irrelevant or, worse, voiceless.

It’s strange. We relish in the chase (doing it and watching it), but the happily-ever-after seems to get relegated to the credits. As if it’s not interesting when chemistry settles into long-term compatibility.

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I have discovered one alternative to finding the one. Being a third wheel.

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But I don’t care about the optics. I will happily be labeled a “boyfriend girl.” I’m not afraid of losing myself or whatever the internet thinks about my mystique. I care about how he’ll make me feel, how our friends will fit, how our lives will evolve together.

So, when he finally arrives – properly, unmistakably – I won’t be embarrassed. I won’t hide him. I’ve waited too long to be shy about certainty. I’ll be the girl whose friends tell off for kissing too much at the dinner table.

With love & other rubbish,

Candice

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…and other rubbish

• What took him so long?

• Getting dirty with dominant males

• Thank you for your service

• Gentlemen, what happens if you pull hard enough?

• How to tell a guy to leave you alone

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She said, he said

“I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.”
Wendy Liebman

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