Third Wheeling

👰‍♀️ Wives 🐂 Bullsh!t 🍆 Veins

Hey Ring Seekers,

“It’s not like my family needs a cow!”

That’s what Charlotte tearfully said as she blamed herself for choosing to marry a man. His parents didn’t need a bovine dowry. Their families didn’t need to unite kingdoms. She was questioning why a “modern woman” like her was doing something so traditional. And she got me thinking: in my ongoing quest for a great big love, is marriage one of my goals?

In a few days, I will watch my little sister walk down the aisle for the second time. She is marrying a world champion (the guy doesn’t self-promote, so I do it for him). They’ve genuinely found ‘it’. They’ve grown together, cared for each other (she broke her leg days before their first wedding!), and supported each other. This weekend will be full of love and… blame. Because here’s the kicker: they’re the reason I’m still single. When you’re surrounded by great, you don’t settle for good enough.

And, it’s not just them…

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I’m a pro at getting inside other people’s marriages. In my 20s, I hung out with Barry and Ruby up to four times a week. In my 30s, I spent every weekend with Jon and Sarah (he was the first to call me his second wife). And, nowadays, you’ll find me in a different married home every other weekend — minus the front door key and the sexual privileges. Call me the marital observationist.

Sure, I’ve seen the relationship challenges — laundry squabbles, childcare chaos, even sleep divorces — but, more than that, I’ve seen the joys. The tiny gestures, the knowing looks, the daily proof that they choose each other, even when it’s not easy.

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Flirting badly and sleeping separately

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So yes, I want marriage — but only the great big love kind. I’m also happy to wait until I find someone who makes all my existing husbands and wives say: “Oh, there he is. She’s ready to leave our marriage because he’s worthy of marrying her”. That’s my definition of a ‘modern woman’ — staying independent until I find someone worth depending on.

So, this weekend, I’ll look on with adoration as two of my favourite humans marry each other. I’ll toast to their union, embrace my second wife status, and keep looking for my first husband.

With love & other rubbish,

Candice

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…and other rubbish

• A gentleman never tells

• Does this mean he’s bitter?

• We’ve got an epidemic on our… faces

• Wow, that’s veiny

• Good things come in small speedos

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She said, he said

“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
Billy Connolly

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Thanks for reading! Fancy clicking a button below? It encourages me to keep writing (and looking for love) 👇