Inside my DMs
🧨 Misogynistic Glimmers 👨🍼 Baby Daddies 🐴 Riding Cowboys
Hey DM Sliders,
His first message said “You’re really beautiful. I do hope you meet someone deserving of you. Kind regards. Ben. Sheffield.” On Tuesday he sent a single word: “Boring.”
Oh, the rollercoaster of my DMs.
Most messages are tame (“what is your phone number?”), some try to slut-shame (“you’ve slept with the entire rowing club”), and others are outright misogynistic (ironic when the sender’s bio read “a single dad raising his daughter to be a good woman in the world”.)
I don’t engage. There’s no point. They can languish in my spam folder until I fish some out every few months to entertain you.
But here’s the thing… there are occasional glimmers. Sometimes it’s a brand opportunity, other times it’s a heartfelt note from a fellow singleton, and, about once a year, there’s a romantic proposition intriguing enough to click ‘accept message request.’
I blame LinkedIn.
In 2020, a man LinkedIn DM’d me wanting to connect about my recent MBA (not so humble flex). Polite, networking stuff. We Zoomed, he didn’t apply.
Fast forward to 2023: I was job hunting, he was working at LinkedIn, so I slid back into his DMs. A career chat quickly turned personal, and within 24 hours we went from annual acquaintances to hourly texters. I loved the intensity, the intimacy, the infatuation. He was based abroad, but said he wanted to relocate. He waxed lyrical about his daughter and asked if I wanted children. My heart and ovaries leapt. He had great baby daddy potential.
Then I told my friend.
“Does he actually want more kids or did you assume that he does?”
“Yeah, he totally does. I mean… actually… hmmm…”
It collapsed. I wanted kids. He didn’t want any more. Two people divided by reproduction (and an ocean).
We carried on texting, hoping things could be different, but the infatuation couldn’t outweigh the facts. We had to cut ties, cold turkey. So, I adopted a surprisingly effective strategy: renaming him in my phone to He Who Must Not Be Texted and sending one final message in our thread:
So what’s the lesson? Just because this slider didn’t work out, does that mean I should write off all others?
I’m torn...
On the one hand, my social media account is the most authentic dating profile I could ever create. If a man is courageous enough to slide in, surely he’s worth considering. On the other, it’s never worked out. Since Mr LinkedIn, I’ve entertained a Mr Tik Tok and a couple of Mr Instagrams, and while they’re fun for a weekend, they’ve all been dead ends. Plenty of chat, no meet-ups.
So, I think I’ll stay away from the DMs playground… unless someone comes along who can climb the ladder and meet me at the bottom of the slide.
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
…and other rubbish
Ride a cowboy, save a horse
A great gift idea, banana not required
The three stages of dating Marie
Asking men on Hinge to talk about themselves
When you can’t make the wedding
She said, he said
“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
Steve Martin
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