I'm Screwed
👅 Tonguing on the Tube 🛳 Dating Ships 🥙 Getting Kebab-ed
Hey Single & Seeking,
“You’ve crossed the line. More than ten, and you’re screwed”
How did you instinctively interpret that phrase? Number of drinks, sexual partners, years of being single?
It’s from an upcoming Netflix show entitled “Diary of a Ditched Girl”. After admitting to being 12 years’ single, Amanda receives that response from a speed dating suitor. You watch the last flicker of romantic hope drain from her face.
I can relate.
I’m 10 years’ single and it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve had ‘situationships’ – six weeks ‘things’ with exotic men and glorious kissers; ‘fanships’ – one-sided longings for unavailable and definitely uninterested men; I’ve even had ‘microships’ – fleeting but incredibly intense dynamics (twice with men who slid into my DMs! Never again.)
Even I can’t quite believe how long it's taking.
Because – allow me for a moment to self-promote – I’m a catch. Well-educated, funny, great at giving… honest advice. I am blessed with breasts and have a knack for accentuating an hourglass figure in a dress. But, I have struggled to turn attraction into a long-term connection. So far, I haven’t found my person.
The idea of having a (singular) person is what sent “chronically single lover girly” Emma viral on Tik Tok earlier this week. She posted a video about the realities of being someone who is deeply loved by many – friends and family – but is not romantically loved by one. It’s not a pity party, but a fact. When you are single, and it feels like everyone around you is coupled up (with kids), it can be disheartening. There is a fine line between being alone vs being lonely and, for the average singleton, the line constantly fluctuates.
Plus, as each year passes, it feels harder to find someone worth nabbing. The dating pool narrows (although it widens again once the divorcées come back around). The more independent we become, the harder it is to compromise for another. Heck, even judgment gets assigned to you – “You’ve been single that long? What’s wrong with you?”
But, it’s not entirely hopeless.
There’s also a lot of freedom and adventure that comes with singleness. The chance to do whomever and see whatever you want (😉). The ability to “engage in as much tomfoolery, devilry, balderdash, capers, mischief as humanly possible.” The thrill that he/she/they are just round the corner.
Just this week, I went on a first date with someone and it was glorious. Our first kiss turned into can’t-let-go sunset strolls across central London. In the days since, I’ve reminisced about our stolen kisses on escalator steps and tube carriages. I’m hopeful about seeing him again… but also cautious. I’ve been here before (and have got the bruises to prove it).
So consider me a hopeless cautiously hopeful singleton. It may have been 10 years since my last proper relationship but there’s a possibility of getting screwed? Honestly, I’ll take it!
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
…and other rubbish
Pardon? You want to be a kebab?
My French boyfriend had me at ‘courgette’
Mesmerised. Totally mesmerised.
There are 3 good women left in London.
“I’m so close” is not as close as you think
She said, he said
“I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.”
Audrey Hepburn
How do you feel about being single? I’d love to know how you stay hopeful…
this was such a thoughtful and honest read. it really captures that weird mix of being totally fine on your own, while still wanting something more. the way you write about the ups and downs of dating without turning it into something bitter or overly romantic is refreshing. thanks for putting it all into words so clearly and with so much heart!!
Future story idea for you (sorry if you already wrote this and I missed it).
For the guys who slid into your DMs and you met in person, what did they initially write that worked? (Or was it just their photos?) How long before it went from DM to a number to an actual meeting?
In retrospect, what were the red flags you didn't see? Why never again?