Three men and a bag of popcorn
Nursing a bruised ego, dodging con artists on Tinder, and going back for more
Hey you,
By the end of the night, I deflated. I’d been having a fun, flirty evening but when the third guy left without asking for my number, I had to walk out before my mood completely flatlined.
I’d gone to a dating event and was enjoying bouncing between the bar and noteworthy boys:
There was the man with the mullet. Questionable hair, but a brilliant storyteller.
The shy twenty-something with a name that did all the heavy lifting: Valentine.
And the salsa dancer who inched increasingly closer because it was ‘so loud.’
But when the evening drew to a close, my romantic pulse flatlined. I watched every single man I liked walk out the door without a look backwards. No numbers swapped. Not even an awkward hesitation disguising a desire to do it again sometime. And I wasn’t alone; other women shared similar stories with me.
The toyboy who brought out my inner cougar
Charlotte spoke of the man who unabashedly flirted with her but then bragged about getting the numbers of four (four!) other women. Janie was left baffled by the man who spent an hour deep in conversation, only to leave suddenly, claiming his Uber had arrived. Their dating disappointment resonated. I’d always assumed the biggest issue for women at dating events was not enough men. Turns out it’s equally disheartening to believe you have options and walk away with nothing.
So, I left, feeling sorry for myself, and finished a bag of half-stale popcorn on the night bus home.
But, even still, I’m far from done with dating events. I’m pivoting.
Firstly, I’m reminding myself that the goal is conversation not conversion. Chatting face-to-face with a room full of strangers still beats swiping through 100 pixelated profiles on the sofa. Secondly, dating events aren’t restricted to sticky-floored bars or bell-ringing speed dating rounds. There’s a whole calendar of other, quirkier formats out there, and I’ve just signed up for a dating triathlon.
Tonight, I’m off to a padel dating event — think short skirts and not letting men win. On Monday, I’m headed to a comedy dating show — stories from single people and quick witted comedians is the perfect medicine. Finally, on Wednesday, I’m going to a retro blind date experience — it’ll be one woman asking questions to three men behind a curtain, with a crowd watching it unfold. And yes, I’ve obviously nominated myself to be that woman.
So consider this my dating event reset. My agenda is packed, my attitude is renewed, and I’m going out without the expectation of getting asked out. I might even splurge on a fresh bag of popcorn.
With love & other rubbish,
Candice
Something very weird is happening on Tinder
This week, I watched a YouTube documentary investigating the latest dating app con. Singles were swiping on relatively standard-looking profiles — good photos, normal bios, the usual criteria — but the sixth and final photo was always a bizarre outlier. Think a man’s face superimposed on a Marie Antoinette portrait. Or a manipulated photo of a billboard in China.
At first, netizens wondered if it was some sort of code, like how upside-down pineapples in supermarket baskets signal the shopper is a swinger. But it turns out, it was all part of a ruse to hack Tinder’s identity verification.
As part of onboarding, Tinder verifies a user’s likeness by matching facial geometry in their photos to a one-time video selfie. Except it doesn’t check against all photos, just one. And that one photo can be heavily manipulated, allowing scammers to share enough of their face to pass verification but not enough to be identifiable. The result was a steady stream of users being lured into romance scams by people whose actual faces they’d never actually seen.
Tinder has officially responded saying they’re updating their trust and safety measures but given Match Group (Tinder’s parent company) reportedly spends $125 million a year on the subject, you have to wonder where the money is going. Not, evidently, on checking photo six.
So, give that last photo a proper look the next time you swipe. If it’s giving 18th-century French monarch, swipe left.
…and other rubbish
White men invent weird competitions
Looking for a wife?
Ladies, send this to your hairdresser
How to figure out if your Instagram crush is single
He absolutely nailed the punchline about dirty bodies (wait till the end)
She said, he said
“I hate being the heartbreaker. Hate it. If I date somebody and it doesn’t work out, it’s another nightmare for me.”
John Mayer
Thanks for reading this week’s Love & Other Rubbish. I appreciate you exchanging your time for my tales. If you enjoy being here, please hit like or share below.
I haven't been brave enough for dating events yet, but you are so awesome for jumping in with both feet. :) Also, thanks for the heads up on the photo verification scam. 🙌 Stay safe out there!