Dating With(out) Clause

⏰ Cancelled Dates 🪬 Sweaty Palms 👨‍🦰 Brothers

May 23, 2025

Imagine a world where you swipe on the person and the cancellation policy

Hey Sweaty Palms,

“Candice, I need to cancel. I have a family emergency. Can we reschedule?”

That's the message I received last week from a gentleman I was about to meet for a first date. The message was received one hour before we were supposed to meet.

One. Hour.

It is hard enough to swipe through a hundred ghouls in the hopes of finding one gent. But to also block out an evening three weeks in advance, eat an early supper (because being hangry is not hot), and squeeze the girls into a fun and flirty little dress so I can be sexy (but not too sexy), only to get a one-hour cancellation notice? That, simply, sucks. I slumped on my bed in a deflated stupor and thought... Of course. Of course this happened. Can I just catch a frigging break?!

When did dating become so discourteous?

Turns out, I'm not alone. This week, another girl in London posted on social media about having had three first dates cancel on her! The latest romantic scoundrel re-confirmed their date in the morning and then unmatched (i.e. blocked her) 30 minutes before their date. Half the warning time I was afforded, just as much frustration. No wonder one of the most popular comments on her video read: “They just do it for sport. Start taking deposits.”

Now that's an idea worth discussing! Indeed, one Aussie singleton floated the idea of charging a $100 late cancellation fee for men who bail within 24 hours. Her logic? A lot of time, fake tan, and mascara goes into getting ready, and lame excuses shouldn’t come free. Restaurants do it. Hairdressers do it. Why can’t hopeless romantics?

In an effort to figure out whether my canceller was lame or legit, I posted a poll on Instagram. Should I give him a second chance? The results were clear - 71% selected “Absolutely no way. He's done.” I reflected on it. While I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, and he did offer a rescheduled date (albeit two weeks away), I simply knew I would feel like a mug if it happened all over again.

I therefore followed the crowd and sent a thanks-but-no-thanks note:

“Dear [suitor], While I understand that life happens, the last-minute cancellation left me feeling flat - and that’s not the headspace I want to be in for a first date. I want to feel like an intentional choice, not something to be worked around – and I’m sure you’d want the same.”

I have no idea how he received the message. The dating app I was using (Breeze) only allows for one message and no reply. Who knows, maybe I passed up on a genuine opportunity. But in the mess of modern dating, we have to have some boundaries.

And, all was not lost... I took my dressed up self to a bar for a solo drink and dessert. As I spooned up mouthfuls of sticky toffee pudding and scrolled on the comments on my “you won’t believe what just happened” Instagram post, I got inspired to launch something: The 30 Girls Club - a space for single women to find reliable company in each other. Out of bad experiences come new ideas, and, it turns out, communities! Come join the club (if you're a woman) or watch this space (if you're a man).

Who knows, if when the club takes off, maybe I'll track down Mr. Cancel and thank him for the inspiration. I might even propose a reconciliatory meet up... but I'll be sure to include the cancellation policy.

With love & other rubbish,

Candice

When your chat is anything but (Napoleon) Dynamite.

Sweaty Palms

Googling first date questions feels like something the nerdy guy in a teen movie would do – scribbling prompts on his palm and nervously checking them mid-convo. Only, “If money weren’t an issue, what would you do for work?” gets sweatily smudged into “Money no issue, you do me?” The loveable protagonist would cringe, his suitor would be confused, and, after a few more plot twists, they would live happily ever after.

But what if there was a real list of questions scientifically designed to help you find your happily ever after? Enter Arthur Aron’s 36 (increasingly probing) questions. From #4 “what would constitute a “perfect” day for you?” to #33 “If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?” you’ll certainly learn a lot over a glass (or two!)

The idea isn’t new – the questions were created in 1997 and went viral in 2015 when a columnist used them on a date. But the idea resurfaced this week as that same dater shared a 10-year update: she married the man she probed across the bar and now has two sons. This feels like the ultimate case study on how to hack love and, perhaps, is worth trying! I have a first date tonight. Let's see how he responds to question #0: “Can I ask you 36 questions to check if you are going to fall in love with me?”